I am all for stupid and dumb. I sincerely believe these people improve the quality of life and enrich the world with their presence. I, myself have been called a dumb blonde on several occasions on twitter by people who possess the sense of humour of a wet sponge and unable to gauge the difference between a sarcastic comment and an actual one.
I know people usually have a problem with their roommates on the factor of cleanliness and believe me, I was the one that believed that yes, it is indeed the worst possible difficulty to deal with….until I came across ‘dumbness’, which let me assure you drives me up against the wall at all times.
On the exterior, if I say my roommate is calm and sweet…..I would, definitely be lying because she is not. And every day I have to listen to the gyaan that can pretty much confound even the best of scientists and give scholars of the world a heart-attack. For example, Did you know that ‘Calcium is the deficiency of protein‘? Yes, this is only the beginning of what I am subjected to. And my years of scientific education suffers a massive blow.
Then she proceeds to tell me that Testicular cancer affects women! I seriously doubt her anatomy at this point and begin researching articles on google of whether any science teacher from her home-town has committed suicide in the recent past.
If that was not enough, I am told that looking your face in the mirror at night and in the morning can lead to it’s disfigurement, which has made me write ‘mask’ as the number one commodity I am supposed to buy in the list of items I have compiled for weekend shopping. I mean seriously, if people consider me cute now….I must be extra-ordinarily stunning 25 years back but ruined my face over the years as I continued looking in the mirror.
If you thought the statements she makes are tolerable, wait till you hear the questions she asks. And every time when she does indeed opens her loud mouth to ask, I silently curse God for giving me the self-restraint that makes me impossible to strangle her and shut her up. So with a brave smile on my face & my evil heart planning her downfall, I listen in mock attention as she asks my advice on matters which even 6 year olds will consider stupid.
Should I drink milk first or have breakfast first? – A question on which she ponders for a minimum of 50 minutes and asks me 5 times, after which she proceeds to call her mom, dad, uncles, aunts and grandparents as the family together tries to solve this perplexing mystery that has chided humanity for ages. At this point, I am certain – stupidity indeed does run in the family.
If the entire family finally reaches the consensus of having milk first, I get asked another question – How many tablespoons of Bournvita should I add to the milk? I tell ‘One’ and then proceed to tell her of how more than one tablespoon of Bournvita can cause mental retardation in the long run. This answer is greeted by genuine horror on her face. (I cackle with laughter inside over a small victory, which in reality is very short-lived).
She claims she follows cricket but has absolutely no idea who Shikhar Dhawan or Sir Jadeja is. She has never heard of Dilshan and Jayawardene, thinks Vettori still leads the Kiwis and when I talk about Cook, she actually believes he is some real cook that travels with the English team to cook their meals (Haven’t told her about Buttler or Broad yet).
I swear my brain-cells commit mass-suicide every day and my grey matter is depleting at an alarming rate. By the end of this year, I will only need to color my hair yellow to suit the part of a dumb blonde. Each time I enter the house, I dread the statement/question that will rob my brain cells of their innocence and take me one step closer to becoming an imbecile. I cover my ears with ear-phones to listen to songs as I cower in fear of getting attacked by this barrage of nonsense. But morons have been granted the super-power as her obnoxiously loud voice filters in asking me whether she can put glue on her laptop to make it stick to the laptop stand as she doesn’t like to remove it everyday. My eyes un-focused and quite resembling to that of a murderer continue to stare ahead pretending not to hear. My teeth grind in frustration and my hands curl up in fists waiting to deliver the sucker punch.
Pray for me fellow internet addicts, as I fight for my sanity…..every day, every hour, every minute…..until I am asked just like now even when I am writing this down – What happens to people born on February 29th? Do get they get stuck on being one-year olds until four years past? (FacePalm).
Note: This post is neither made-up nor make-believe. By the end of this year when I finally start tweeting/blogging/facebooking such equally idiotic rubbish, it will be proved. I have very little time left….until then, all I can say is – Did you know that the fruit orange was actually named after the color orange and they refused to name apples red because they come in green too and…..hmmmmm…shucks…I forgot, what she said about the watermelons……