THE LONGING

(The worst gift that you can give to the person you love the most is that of “waiting”. Because an eternity passes away yet you do not know when “the wait” will end. You do not know for how long it will stay. You do not know whether it will let you come back or force you to go away forever. Never to return. Never to look back. Never to rekindle the hopes of the ones waiting for you. The longing of being united..the longing of coming back…the longing for memories shared only in dreams….the longing of relationships that could have been……)

I wait for the time to pass

And come to that particular day

A day I had lived in the past

A day that took you away

Now it will repeat itself

Now it will live again

A day as insignificant as any other

A day that even time could not contain

I set my eyes on memories so old

An emotion so complex that words can’t hold

A separation that tears apart the very existence

A ballad of sentiments that remained untold

A touch of hope and that of despair

A joy unlimited yet bonded by care

A love so strong that it consumed all

Of protected instincts that were laid bare

A voice of sadness that trickles from the lips

A scarlet river like the blood that drips

A pain so profound that it perishes all

Like an unknown destination of many a ships

I still stand by the window

and count the stars

A lost memory

that we proclaimed ours

Left behind are

the broken threads

Left behind

a handful of scars

I am wiping out the proof

of pleasure and pain

The insolent dance

of sunshine and the rain

And withhold all happiness

till I reach that day

Till I gather the smiles

yet again

I thought waiting forever

had made me strong

Had took me beyond

what’s right & wrong

Still, as moments

come to close once & for all

I feel as if

I’ve forgotten the song

Years so many

were easy to pass

But months so few

I can’t outlast

And when the countdown

reaches to days

I will be left picking up

fragments of broken glass

I am here physically

but my mind’s elsewhere

I hear voices but pretend

not to care

It isn’t necessary that I indulge in

common things

Of everyday happenings

I don’t seem aware

I live in a world

fueled by imagination

That seeks out paths

to lost destinations

No language to express

just kingdom of silence

Yet I hold

perfectly sane conversations

I know nothing now

except the very end

A longing of

a distant & dear friend

An affection that surpassed

great understandings

So there’s nothing left now

to comprehend……

I’VE CHANGED FOR YOU

The more I try to run from you,

The more I end up near.

I try to get back to what I was,

But experience a deep rooted fear.

I am hating you at this moment.

It seems that I don’t have a choice.

I wish I could tell you, this isn’t me.

But I guess, I have lost my voice.

Do you also hate me, I don’t know.

I wish I could just cry.

I am pushing you far away from me.

Without ever giving it a try.

I am telling, that I am angry with you.

But you know the truth, I know.

You can see how much I love you;

Even if I fail to show.

If I behave with you as before;

Would you still find some fault?

I wish this is a nightmare.

That soon comes to a halt.

I want to smile & laugh with you.

I want to be your little kid.

To tell you the serious things that troubled me;

And all the funny ones I did.

So many days have passed & I am tired;

Of keeping you out of my life.

Hiding all my happiness from you;

And masking all my strife.

I am fed up of pretending like this.

Will you accept me as I was?

Can we continue from where we stopped?

It has been a long pause.

Hey, you didn’t like the way I am.

Hence, I tried to change.

Still you are unhappy about it!

That seems so very strange.

Your words always said;

That I mean a lot to you.

But it didn’t show in action.

Were you being untrue?

I didn’t know our relationship;

Will reach such a weird stage-

That I have to act not in the way I want.

But according to my age!

So, I became a new person.

Now, what do you really miss?

If growing up means,

to get detached from you.

Then why aren’t you content with this?

I thought we were friends forever.

And were always meant to be so.

But you stopped being the person.

I once knew long ago.

OK. Next time you tell me what to do.

Shall we sign a pact?

Don’t criticize me so often.

My love won’t remain intact.

Stop it. I have had enough of this.

It hurts & I am in pain.

Am I good enough for you now?

Or have I tried & tried in vain?

I promise I won’t be childish.

Tell me what rules to obey.

I will try to follow your guidelines.

And listen to what you say.

All this is not a mood swing.

Or some excuse new.

I am just trying to improve myself;

So I could be loved by you!!!

MEMORY LANE

“Memory Lane” has always been a very special poem for me. It traces happy memories and cheers me up when I am down. Simply because, it reminds me, people don’t go away from our lives just because they are far away, they keep coming back through old memories of both pleasure and pain.

Over and over again when we embark our journey of the memory lane, we realize these moments can never be repeated; they shall always remain special. However, that doesn’t stop us from forming new memories…does it???

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Down the memory lane,

I remember, the time we spent

The silent words,

The talkative expressions,

Of moments that have come and went.

Even if it has been a long time,

The picture seems so clear.

The soft laughter of joy

And even the unshed tear.

How much ever I try,

The memories don’t fade.

In my heart they are etched,

On a flowery bed they are laid.

Somehow, your voice is with me;

At all the times I am there.

Distances don’t matter,

With so much love and care.

Come once again

And let us trace, what happened before.

So much left to discover,

There is just so much more.

Maybe, it won’t be as beautiful,

As earlier it was.

Not the same excitement

Or the same cause.

But, still with your presence,

New memories will be born.

And, I will be truly happy;

Not lonely or forlorn.

There might be unexpected

And some new things to see.

Once in a while, I guess,

Together we are meant to be.

So yet another avenue,

On this memory lane.

Of strange but real happenings,

And of attahcments you can’t explain!!!

THE STORYTELLER

When I read novels and short-story collections, I yearn to write one too. I begin writing and then falter. I can’t seem to make up anything. Its funny. Its disheartening. Our lives are made up of zillions of stories. Yet, I cannot convert one into writing. I think I have disappointed myself. I am just an ordinary writer. I wish I would become a storyteller.

 

I pause for a moment and smile. I squint my eyes and bring them near the computer screen and read what I have written. Is this how it should begin?

I sit by the window and try to take in the nature. I realize there isn’t any left. Everything appears so man-made. There are a few specs of green in the distant- forlorn and dying. Apart from that, the entire landscape is adorned by buildings, small houses, narrow strips of road…  No nature at all.

The only thing that makes its presence felt as some divine intervention, is the sky. It seems more alive than the earth. There are hues of blue, orange, yellow scattered across.  The clouds stretch as soft bunches of cotton on the background. As the light keeps dimming, the outline of birds flying towards their nests rises against the fading horizon. The breeze is in tune with pleasant atmosphere. It is soft and cool; gently blowing and bringing with it, the sweat of the people who have toiled all day, their happiness of returning to the comfortable solace of their homes, the minor frustrations that will get wiped off with the innocent laughter of their children and the small bundle of memories that were created as the day moved along.

 

I sigh and think again. Is this really what I wanted to write? I wanted to write a story. I wanted to fill it with characters. I wanted to bring out their relationships. I wanted to begin a tale and fill it with various elements of fear, hope, love; with imaginary incidents based on true facts; with paragraphs of intricate details.

Instead, it is turning out to be an observational account off the diminishing day. The grand welcome of the lonely night. Of the dwindling nature. Of the creative human mind. Of regrets about the artificial environment. Of pride in form of buildings reaching out to kiss the sky. Of trees that are less yet blooming with flowers. Of people who are in a hurry and have no time to stop….

 

I suddenly realize that I am indeed telling a story. Not like others with imaginary events to share. Not like the ones who create characters and making them immortal. Not like the ones with powerful words creating explicit relationships. Not like the ones weaving fables of great personalities.

 

 But the one that grasps the beauty of even simplest of the things. The one that writes in tune of everyday incidents yet uncovers the mystery behind them. My imagination is nothing but the tool that helps readers to turn my writing into a picture right in front of their eyes. My characters are nothing but souls mingled with the nature. My words are nothing but the vehicles to transport others in the realms of memories. My thoughts are nothing but the collection of something true yet hidden in the guise of the most obvious things. 

The only power I possess is SIMPLICITY 

 

I now realize what it means to be in the class of our own. How several contrasting minds co-exist in one single environment. Of their variety and differences. Of  the one-ness that grows despite the multiplicity.

Writing doesn’t has any boundaries. Its fuelled by millions of thoughts. Some imaginary, some real, some vague, some clear.  

Notions and ideas.

Alphabets and words.

Living in harmony.

 

I am one of them. A tiny ray of light. Same as others outwardly.

But with an individual identity.

 

Finally, it has dawned upon me,

I am also a STORYTELLER…. 

SOMETIMES…. (A POEM)

Sometimes, the words I say-

would hurt you deeply I know.

Sometimes, my face would only-

distrust and anger show.

But then, look into my eyes,

They highlight my sincere ways.

They would remind you,

Of some warm and sunnier days!

 

Sometimes, in a fit of fury,

an unworthy tantrum I may throw.

I may act childish and

never want to grow.

But then, listen when I am silent.

Don’t see but only feel.

Maybe my goodness and love,

is hidden behind a veil!

 

Sometimes, I may be cruel;

I may be very bad.

Sometimes, the way I behave

would make you very sad.

But when you hear me grumble

and when you hear me moan,

Don’t hear my rude voice,

Just concentrate on my tone!

 

Sometimes, I may be,

a good-for-nothing child.

I may be disobedient;

I may be very wild.

But then, do shelter my confidence.

Don’t let my emotions rust.

Just tell me that you understand;

Just tell me that you trust!

 

Sometimes, I may be confused.

I may be frustrated and hurt.

In all my replies, I may be,

very much rude and curt.

But don’t react when I am ungracious,

even for a fraction.

Why judge me by my attitude?

Just judge me by my action!!!