THE ELUSIVE MILESTONE

Dear Sachin,

In all my excitement, as I woke up on Friday, November 25th, all that I wanted was your 100th ton. Just like billions of others like me…

The way I saw you bat in the morning, not only re-affirmed my devotion for you but also took my breath away. The shots that you hit, the technique that you displayed was flawless and I couldn’t help but admire your genius. But the catch from Sammy, not only stunned Wankhede crowd but also shocked us mortals and we retreated back in our cocoon of everyday frustrations and happenings…

When I got back home later that night, I connected to mycrickethighlights.com, just to have a look at your entire innings and believe me, I was mesmerized. Those 94 runs were like 194 to me at that time. It didn’t matter that it was not converted into a century…It didn’t matter that we still have to wait for your 100th ton….All that mattered was your game….your un-tarnished, unbeatable natural flair….

Sometimes we wonder whether we are true fans. We so desperately want you to hit that elusive ton, yet we do not realize that all this hype is just pointless… 

A person of your stature does not require reaffirmations from us to continue your natural game. For you, milestones have always been secondary to your passion for the game and a chance to serve your motherland. 

It is an undisputed fact that one fine day, you are definitely going to hit that ton and silence your critics and I realize, it really wouldn’t change anything… It won’t change you as a person, or it wouldn’t change our love for you….It would only just add yet another feather to your cap…

Sachin, isn’t our love for you kind of contradictory? We want you to keep on playing as you always do, yet we pressure you with our burden of expectations..

Because after all these years, the only thing we desire is to keep watching you play…whether you hit a 20, a 50, or a 100…..there is pleasure in every boundary you hit and your every six is like an burst of enthusiasm…

The respect that you command is so unparallel, that you are an object of fascination among many. We pray for you, we pray to you and we hold you so close to your hearts that our lives revolve around you..

I remember when you once said in an interview- “I hate losing and cricket being my first love, once I enter the ground it’s a different zone altogether and that hunger for winning is always there.” It not only explains your youthful desire to stick to your love for the game but also the attitude to better yourself with time. I just consider myself lucky to be born in era that serves as a witness to your life.

In hailing you as God, we do satisfy our inner urge to worship yet forget easily that on a basic level, you are human too. You aren’t a machine that we can control to our liking…You cannot hit a century in every match…You are very well going to be bowled out on ducks and failures will be in plenty always….And if it weren’t for those failures, those minor disappointments; we would never have understood our faith in you. What makes us worship you as God, is the likeness we observe in you as a human….something to which we can identify ourselves with and still the difference between us that is a result of  a divine character that you have unknowingly created for yourself.

Stupid news channel and newspaper editors don’t bother me anymore. I do not even consider them worthy enough to get angry on. 

As I spend yet another day going through all their baseless assumptions and accusations in all media (whether in print or audio-visual); I cannot help but feel a kind of hopeless pity on their tiny brains and even more non-existent heart. 

Their public disapproval of you, your genius, your perseverance, your strength just makes a mockery of the pure faith and devotion of billions of us worshipers all  over the world; becoz in this world of deceptions, such purity is an illusionary concept.

As I print these words out, they not only exude my love for you but also echo the sentiments of billions of other fans like me. Fans who, feel like breaking TV sets when you get out early; fans who skip food to get a glimpse of you; fans whose only source of real happiness comes from seeing you bat; fans who have cried rivers with happiness when you finally got your world cup dream…

On the day you hit your 100th ton; see how crazily this same media will carry you on their heads and show your entire lifetime on television…They shall proclaim it as history being created…..Stupid Morons!

What they will not realize is that history was indeed made, long time ago…one fine day in the past…when world came to a standstill, one fleeting moment on April 24th, 1973….

With Respect, Love & Devotion,

A fan you will never know about

SOME STRENGTH, SOME HOPE

 

 

(What is the night which symbolically means darkness and emptiness is actually the closest ally you could ever get and its the day that turns your enemy. What if, in the light you are misled and broken down and in the darkness you patch up. What if, its the bright that damns your life and the black that empowers you to move on???……

One of the greatest lessons in Life I have learned is that, there are some circumstances way beyond our control and although we would like to avoid them, they hit us just as badly no matter what. How much ever you pray or beg God to change things, the destiny that you have set out to fulfill shall not see a change….instead ask for strength…’coz in the end when all fails and each man journeys into the abyss, its ONLY the inner strength that shall keep on going…..)

 

As the darkness comes to close in

And the night draws near

I dream the dream to rock me to sleep

I let the dream sink in

After a long day of pain & sorrow

And before comes the inevitable tomorrow

I want this few hours of bliss

A hug of faith n a warm kiss

‘coz tomorrow again, the pain will rush in

And I shall be thrown out into the crowd

When each passing moment will be worse than death

When melancholy sunrise will greet me

I shall patch my soul the best I could

And move on carrying this burden…

I know I cannot change circumstance

The troubles now in an insolent dance

In middle of the day, the tears shall come

The unbearable heat of the glaring sun

My resolve will weaken as the eve will dawn

New hardships with each minute shall be born

And though I know you will always be there

Maybe not physically but in thoughts to care

My burden you will indeed share

My sorrow you will indeed bear

But the pain slices open my heart

It’s still my hurt to embrace

Although you will be my constant support

Those scattered thoughts I alone need to face

Towards the end of the day I will weaken

The beacon of light will go thin

And I ask not for my troubles to get erased

I just ask for some strength and hope

In the dying faith that held me together so long

I ask for some courage to cope.

They will descend on me like a pack of wolves

They will kick me and curse and hurt me bad

They will hold me responsible for nothing that I did

On me they shall continue getting mad

I will beg in front of them and cry

I shall shout and repeatedly ask why

I will get angry & vow to hurt them so

I will break the promises I made long ago

Yet all this is temporary, I know what I have to do

To continue on this broken path

The journey so long

The road so difficult

The untuned mistimed deadened song

To what level shall he test my endurance

To what extent shall he make me suffer

To what level shall he question my faith

Till survival gets tougher & tougher

Slowly the long day shall end

And the night from shadows shall descend

The darkness will be more welcome than the light

‘coz it will bring freedom to hide

In it shall I dream the dream

Of a much better future and a life

Something to cling on for a few hours of bliss

The broken promises I come to miss

But I know in minutes this night too shall end

And with the day, I shall bow down and bend

Till then let me gather the energy

Let me prepare my self for the dying hour

It’s the day that terrifies me, and chokes me dead

The colors blind me & leave tears to shed

The arrival of the morning soft & slow

The light that engulfs comes with the flow

The nature that will illuminate

An air tight cocoon of hate

As the first ray of sun hits my face

All I ask is for some strength and hope

The blackness slowly delivers me into light

As all I ask is some courage to cope…..

CROSSROADS

Here we stand as silent can be

At the crossroads of our lives

If silence is the goodbye we deserve

In silence shall we walk away

A different path awaits you

A different path I am forced to choose

And although, it’s with you that I would rather be

I walk away beyond the hill

 
I wish I could walk behind you

To support you on your road

And when I couldn’t save you from your fall

To fall with you & stumble my way ahead

It’s at time like these that I feel like a stranger

When I am driven out of our life

Like an outsider I warily watch

But I am not allowed to sneak in

 
Why am I not the person I thought myself to be?

Why am I an alien in my own life?

Why is the perfect world that I built;

Just a pack of dirty lies?

 
I believed I was your soulmate, who with you binds this life

The bearer of your sorrows

The multiplier of your joys

Isn’t it funny that I am the FIRST person with whom you always shared your joys

But somehow I am the LAST one to know when sorrow hazily clouds your eyes

 
And here I thought, I am your other half

To hold your hand and fight the world

To soothe your hurt and to pat your back

To look into your eyes and say, I am with you no matter what

 

A thousand joys of you I could miss

But I am not allowed in your troubles and it hurts to bad

Loneliness is a bitch they say

Now I know why

As I drag your burden along with me

In the darkness of the night I cry

 
The life that I live is one big mess

The food that I eat, tasteless

The air that I breathe, chokes me to death

As continue dying every day

 

I don’t know whether our roads will meet

Or is this the kind of goodbye that lasts forever

I don’t know whether this was a dream

Or perhaps a nightmare that never wavers

There ain’t a tomorrow in this world

Just a string of yesterdays’

This is not how I imagined we would part

In the noise of silent tears

All around me people swing to the tune

As I force myself to sing the song

The charade of happiness I continue to show

‘coz this is the penance I need to do

Whatever that redeems me into your life

To suffer with the happiness of others

To suffocate with the shallow love

I will laugh like crazy and never cry

I will smile a lot and never try

Each laughter a wound that will cut me through

Each joy something that burns me from within

 

I will take my road with me far far away

Across great oceans so vast

Never will they meet tomorrow nor today

To go on and on without having to face each other

 
But before I go away, come to the meadow on the edge

To see me walk away

To know how much it hurts to be an outsider

And although you know your hurt is greater than what I feel

Know this, I carry the burden of both our lives

So even if for you I am not worthy enough to share your sadness

And I am not the person you let me believe myself to be

Know this, whoever I am I shall be the shield that hides you away from death’s eyes

 

This life has already ended and the path I must tread is longer than yours

The pain so intense and the hurt so extreme

That I wish I was dead

But I must suffer

Only to give you chance

And I would take a million of deaths like these

For you to continue to the end of your path

But I shall leave my eyes behind

To watch over you until the sun sets in

And in the darkness of the lonely night

When you would least expect

As you sleep a dreamless sleep

I will run my fingers thru your hair

I would kiss you goodnight

And you will never know

‘coz I will have to hurry back to my road

OK. Don’t let me enter your life

I will watch over you as long as I live

At the end someday you may realize

It’s me who bleeds with your pain

For just once hold onto my hand

And I would welcome such a death again…..

 

I shall make a pact with the devil

For in me, he has a soul to take

It’s the pain that defines me now

The life I live a FAKE….

THE CURSE – From the diary of a Genius

“GENIUS is a CURSE. A curse that you get born with. A curse from which you never get free. Once you come to know of it, it manifests even strongly and you can never ever get rid of it….

I am a “genius”. I do not know, whether that is something to be proud of, to be happy about or to be appalled with. All I know is that ever since I remember, I have lived my life in isolation. I have been forever alone. I have cried alone. I have been happy alone. I have been angry alone. I have experienced the joyest of all joys alone. I have experienced the saddest of all sorrows alone. I have condemned myself to a lifelong of suffering. I have shunned people and shut them out of my life. I haven’t let anyone come close and I am happy in that realization. People who think they know me better don’t yet know that they are still on the surface…. I have pulled so many masks on my face, that the real me is hidden beneath countless layers of pseudo happiness. A new face for every person I meet…a happy face….a smiley face…a face that can hide infinite pain….a face with ancient eyes pitying thyself…

I sometimes wish I was normal, with no special talents, with an ordinary life. A “one” among “millions”…..an everyday face. But, ever since I stepped in this world, I knew I was different…..different than those who surrounded me. Life was rosy at first. The world was in my tow. I had great expectations from myself….countless dreams…so many talents to nurture…an intelligence to grow…

I stood up high, looked at the sky in the eye

And promised it that someday I will fly

I will dance in the clouds and play in the sun

I will make my life full of surprises and fun

I will ride with the wind and pour with the rain

I would live a life devoid of any pain

But life doesnt always turn out to be the way we want it, does it? 

Sometimes, a genius has to make huge sacrifices, which I did…..Huge sacrifices…..I betrayed myself.  didn’t stand up for my own right. I accepted my fate. Had I the courage to fight for my identity, it would have been a different picture. But I made a wrong choice. A choice that broke me…

I became ordinary and in doing so I did the biggest crime a genius can ever commit….”Living a life much less than I deserved….”

The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settle for

– Maureen Dowd 

I kept being drawn in this vortex of sacrifices and the next thing I knew is that I had sacrificed the “real me” for the people I loved. I had accepted everything around me, clipped my wings and forced myself to forget that I had the gift of flight. I had voluntarily made myself into a common rat that runs in mazes competing blindly. I had killed the expectations I had from myself instead I had molded myself to the expectations of others. I had no will. Or maybe I had it but I never bothered about it. 

From a life of genuine smiles I descended to a death which I began to live with everyday….

In this journey of life I have met and interacted with thousands of people. Some recognized me for what I am. They do not understand why am I hiding. They know not of my troubles. They do not know the hurt I live with. They think I am a loser (which I know I am)….they think I am stupid (which I show I am, but I am not)….they are jealous of me for having such brilliant gifts yet they mock at me saying I don’t deserve them as I hide them from all…

For they do not know the tribulations I face….I wish I could make them explain…I wish I could let them know why I made some choices. I wish I could explain the psychological trauma that I live with every moment of the day. 

Then there are some who treat me like dirt…..those who think I am a spineless coward….those who think that since I couldn’t even stand up for my own rights, I wouldn’t hit them back….and I spend my life suffocating under the shadow of these people who are less than me…people rich by money and worldly pleasures but poorer in relationships and humanity. Sometimes I feel inexplicable anger towards them yet at times I pity them for what they are. ‘coz in spite of chaining my soul to a lifelong worth of prison sentence I know I still got one as opposed to them who have sold it for monetary gains.

The world is “practical” and I know its not made for dreamers like me. History has seen countless geniuses that have walked on the earth since eternity and still does now. But history hasn’t seen a million more that could have been BUT never got a chance….those who forsaked their life…those who bargained their happiness for the likes of others….

And I can’t even kill myself. Not because I’m afraid to….or a coward to do so but because I know that it’s not the answer…..that I “have” to live with those sufferings …..Sometimes the hurt is too much to move on…..the regrets weigh me down…I falter…I stumble…yet I hold my head up high knowing that some day or in some life, I will get my due…That life will someday pay me back for putting me through this…

Sometimes, I replay my life over and over again and think of all those times when I had two roads to choose and I chose one…what if I had chosen the other…..would choosing a different path brought me to a different destination or would I have wound up right here….right now…What if all my broken dreams are indeed a reality in a different time dimension…what if a different me in a different time vortex is living the dreams that I dreamt…inhaling the aroma of success….not hiding behind false masks but proudly flaunting my genius….What if I am proud to be different…that I am living a life I deserve….what if  I am truly happy somewhere in some time…

Alas, that is not my fate right here, right now…

With heavy heart, I accept…..I stumble, I steady…I hold back tears, I put on the mask….I cry rivers, I plaster a smile on my lips….I forget myself as usual and keep one face in front of my eyes….I tell myself that this isn’t for me…but for someone else….and I endure the never-ending suffering with the knowledge that morning always follows even the darkest of all nights….“

~From the diary of a Genius, Writ this day, Sunday, August 14th, in the city that made my dreams and broke them too

FIRST SUMMER SHOWERS

She rolled lazily on her bed…..It had been a long day and a tiring one too. She thought, maybe writing about it will make her feel better. She opened her diary. She couldn’t remember the last time, she had had time to write something in it. She remembered the times when she used to write pages and pages of feelings in her diary. Gone were those days. These days she hardly had time to interact with others, let alone interacting with herself….

But today was different. She needed an outlet to give her frustration a release. She found a blank page and began writing……

FIRST SUMMER SHOWERS – 2011

“I rush through the already drenched streets… the people, the shops, the surroundings appear blurry. I can hardly make out the shapes and colors. I have only been out on the streets for 5 minutes and I am already soaking wet!

This damn rain, I exclaim. It came a week earlier than predicted. I still haven’t extracted my umbrella/raincoat from wherever it is gathering dust from past one year. I might even need some new rain-gear, I think. I bet, it will rain for a few days and stop. Then it will get more hot than usual. It has been a lousy summer. I don’t want more soaring temperatures.

How abominable! Trust, public transport to breakdown right now! Naahh….doesn’t disappoint me. Waiting for some mode of transport to reach home….Oh shucks, I will have to walk home in this downpour! Chaotic streets, water everywhere, mud puddles…ewwww.!! Oh my brand new Levis’. And hell, I paid a fortune for those shoes. My gucci bag!!!! I hope my wallet’s okay. My phone!!!! My iPod!!! Oh god, all my stuff is in mortal danger…..

Rains are such a pain in the neck!!!! Ahhh…finally I see home….Climbing the stairs ….@@@**$%…WTF…..Plunged into darkness! What the hell is this? Power-cut!!! Again??? Haven’t there been enough in the last 2 weeks???    

It has already been an hectic day at the office…..I am soaked to skin…..I am shivering like crazy….My shoes are caked in mud AND NOW, a POWER-CUT!!! Disgusting!

Oh thank god, I could atleast save my phone, my iPod, my money from this mayhem. Phheww! A sigh of relief…I need to take care of those shoes though.

I hate rains! They spell nothing but trouble! Filthy! Dirty! I could even sue them, if that were possible.

I hope I don’t get sick. I cannot afford to miss office. Way too much work, deadlines to meet, peer pressure. How will I bear the huge burden if I lose any more days??? I think I might have a nervous breakdown because of these rains.

God! How much I hate them. RAINS, GET OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!”

                                                          

She closed the diary, still frustrated. It was such a bleak day, so damn irritating because of the rains. She had showered with hot water, put on clean clothes and lay on her bed writing this out. She neither had the energy nor the wish to talk with her family or anyone else. It was past 23:00 hours and she has a long day ahead tomorrow. Gotta sleep now….

But, sleep was eluding her. She rummaged through her cupboard and found her old diaries. These should be fun to read, she thought. She picked an old one and started flipping through the pages….

Suddenly, a vaguely familiar entry caught her eye. Hmmm…..2006…5 years ago…..Interesting…..It had the same tittle as of her entry today….amused, she began reading…..

FIRST SUMMER SHOWERS – 2006

“I giggled as I sprinted across the streets. All seemed blurry as if my eyes exuded water. Yet, all was colorful. I could make out shapes of people & brightly lit shops. And sooooooooo much green. It seemed like paradise. I glanced at the people rushing around me….eager to get away from the rains…cursing it, fleeing away from it. No way, I could EVER do that! Ha! My laughter, mocked at their stupidity. Oh come on, how can you be so stupid to run away from rains??? The weather’s so cool. Yippee.

I jumped from one puddle to another. This was so much fun.

Trains late? No problem….I get more time to spend with these first showers of the month!

No transport to get home? No problem….Good excuse to give to Mom if she asks why am I so wet!

I don’t care. These are the first showers! For 3 long months, the heat has taunted us, teased us, made us go crazy, kept us sweltering and TODAY, finally, it’s giving us the much needed relief.

I reach home jumping with enthusiasm. Power-cut, Mom says. Oh boy, this will be fun. Fun to eat dinner in candle light. My clothes are so wet, they are sticking to my body. My bag’s a mess. My phone’s working atleast. And the money? Well, I have hardly more than 100 bucks. These will dry out in the sun tomorrow. No harm done. 

Happily, I eat my dinner. I go in my room and sit near the window staring out. I have a book in my lap and a flashlight in one hand. Mom will kill me if she sees me reading like this. But, this is so cool.                                                                                                                                                I sit by the open window….listening to the soft sound of the rain…..it has become a light drizzle now….I smell the pleasant fragrance of the wet mud…wow…I just love rains….”    

She let the diary fall from her hands. It was getting wet. Wet with the tears that cascaded down her cheeks. The sheer joy and innocence of a time not so long ago was being washed away by the tears of frustration that had accumulated in the last few years. She buried her face in her hands and wept. She couldn’t believe that once, she was this innocent girl. A girl who found joy in all little things in life. A girl who “lived” and not just “existed”. A girl who cared more about feelings and emotions rather than gadgets and clothes and money and all material things. She didn’t seem to understand as to how she had come to this point her life.

Dhhhhadammmm…..It thundered. Startled she peered through the window. It was still raining heavily. Probably more heavily than before. She reached out to see, whether the window was securely locked and then suddenly thought….what if…? What if, were this window open? It would flood the room. It would douche my stuff. It would make a mess. Should I (open it), she thought. I am wearing fresh clothes now and how can I afford to get sick, she reasoned. There is so much to do tomorrow, I should probably sleep, she concluded. 

As she turned around, she once again caught sight of the diary still laying on the floor….displaying that old slightly smudged from the tears, entry, made 5 years ago.

Laughing knowingly, she threw the window open and stretched out her arms in a welcoming gesture. As the pure rain drops splashed across her face drenching her, you could see the slight smile forming on her lips. 

As the rain seeped through her clothes into her heart, she felt a genuine calm spreading through her entire body. An eternal bliss embracing her…..peace…..tranquil peace…..Her smile widened as she softly muttered to herself…”I love you Rains…Welcome Back….”

HAVE YOU EVER KNOWN….?

(Words will never be enough to convey true feelings and emotions. All that is there to this poem is not here in the introduction but in the poetry that follows. Be thankful that you got a chance to love, ‘coz some of us may never know what true love was….coz its only fallacy that we have experienced throughout our lives…….)

Have you ever felt the rain drops

falling from the sky

Like a dear ally

‘Coz you remember the times

When you walked; hand-in-hand

With the one you love

And as the rain water drenched you so

It felt like blessings from above

Have you ever looked, at the stars

On a silent lonely night

And as they whispered their story to you

It felt somehow so right

You gaze lovingly into the space

As they twinkle all the way

And assure you of the feelings unknown

That will wake up with the new day

When the morning sun rises

and the rays, kiss you on the cheek

As the breeze gently caresses your face

In the knees it makes you weak

Have you ever known

Did you ever knew

This kind of a LOVE

It feels like

It feels like

It feels like, blessings from above

Have you ever loved

and then lost

The one you held so dear

As even in that, dreamy haze

You felt a deep-rooted fear

‘Coz you are mine

and mine alone

You live in this broken heart

This memory, I can’t erase

Now that you are, apart

I surround myself with people

To forget the pain of your longing

But it doesn’t seem like ever

To this crowd, I am belonging

I stick out like a sore thumb

I stand out from the rest

I don’t think, our going away from each other

Has worked out for the best

And as you climb, the ladders of success there

For me, even a small change, is rare

As you reach the top

and kiss the hands of fame

I am just, barely aware

It shut myself in my room

and cry out, your sweet name in vain

When will you ever, pass this way

Oh, when will you come again?

In the hope that you may listen to me

and take me with you away

I can’ t bear, to go on living

In such a dismal way

‘Coz you are mine 

and mine alone

You live in this broken heart

This memory I can’t erase

Now that you are, apart

The sweet is not sweet without you

The spice has lost its spice

When I’m unable to share, things with you

They just don’t seem that nice

And its the same sun that awakens you

And the same moon that gets you asleep

And although I share, them with you

The longing for you is deep

Have you ever known

Did you ever knew

This kind of a LOVE

It feels like

It feels like

It feels like, blessings from above

So, am I lucky

That I got the chance

To love someone like YOU

To be a witness

To all your secrets

A right that you gave to few

Or am I unlucky

That someday I may see you

in someone else’s eyes

And in your eyes,

I’ll see the love

That breaks our, fragile ties

Alas, I am not the person

Who will follow you, upto the last

And in each other’s lives

We’ll just be a distant past

And when I see you

walking hand-in-hand

with someone else, alright

I would wonder

Where my destiny failed me

Why didn’t it turn out right?

And, although you’ll be happy

Like someday, happy I will too be

But we wouldn’t feel

that intense passion, we felt together

neither you, nor me

And we’ll bid goodbye to each other

We will vanish into the light

We’ll give up & falter & stumble

We’ll lose this age old fight

Our story won’t be famous

Only the two of us will know

That we learnt life’s

most difficult lesson

And as a person

did we grow….

I am sure everyone has a

great love story

In their un-amusing lives

The one in which -

neither of the two lovers

But its true love 

that slowly dies

Have you ever known

Did you ever knew

This kind of a LOVE

It feels like

It feels like

It feels like, blessings from above

Have you ever hurt

Have you ever cried

For this kind of a LOVE

It killed you heart

It bled your soul

But it still was a gift from above

…still was a gift from above

 

Dear Sachin…..Dear God….

Dear Sachin,

I cannot explain in words, the amazing feeling that I felt on the night of April 2nd when MS Dhoni hit that glorious six to claim what was rightfully ours. For a moment, I thought about what will be going through your mind & tried to imagine as well as feel the immense joy that you must have felt.

Earlier, it felt cruel and sad when you missed out on big runs when you came into bat especially after watching those crackling boundaries that you hit. But you know what, for the first time, in my life, I didn’t feel the dread of losing the match as I always feel when you get out easily. ‘Coz I could see the determination etched on the face of each and every player to fight back strongly. And fight, they did! The wonderful display of batting that Gambhir put up followed by a never-say-die Dhoni who despite of feeling exhausted & tired was never letting it go; was indeed commendable.

And every player gave his best. Since the semi final, I have observed that the fielding has been superb and we oozed that grit and determination that is expected of champions…..confidence but not over-confidence. Dhoni has such a large part to play in this, with his calm and serene attitude and unshakable belief.

My world cup moment was when you came running onto the field and hugged Yuvraj and both of you had tears of joy in your eyes.

It was so emotional, so fulfilling and so perfect.

I bet you filled the eyes of those watching, with tears too. You filled mine.

A lifelong dream had been fulfilled. A moment for which you waited for 21 long years…the greatest moment of your life….

Your master-class was reflected on every individual in the rest of team, each of them trying to give their 200% not only for the team or the country but also for you.

The respect you hold is so vast…..What must it feel like someone doing something for you…to make you happy….what it feels like when there are other people struggling to fulfill your dreams by cruising alongside you?

SIX world cup appearances…and each and every time you played your best. Each time, with the intent to inch closer to that coveted trophy and each time you were denied….There were times when others fell short of their expectations or destiny never smiled on us. But, you kept going and going and we entered the 2011 world cup with the single expectation of getting you — your dream, your life.

I absolutely loved it when Virat said that you have been carrying the burden of this country for 21 years and its time we carried you on our shoulders.

That sounded like some cheesy dialogue, but it was perfect for the moment. Everyone was looking at you…praising you…dedicating this win to you….. And, you in all your humility accepted their offering proclaiming this as the proudest moment in your life.

You had an amazing world cup…amassing close to 500 runs and showing yet again as to why you are the greatest player of all times. However, while the whole world was wishing for your 100th ton….you, the man who never plays for his personal milestones…you, were only wishing to hold that one golden prize that eluded you for so many years. That beautiful trophy you had seen Kapil Dev lift way back in 1983 when you were just 10 years old….Little did you know, that 28 years from then…you will hold it courtesy of your team-mates who just wanted to make you happy and give to you what you truly deserved.

Sachin, do you realize, with age, you have got even better…..and you have worked yourself so hard each time to reach pinnacles of perfection. And the last 2 years have been fantastic. You have managed to make and beat every single record ever known….You weren’t the one with the highest score in ODIs and last year you hit a double century; a feat that no one else has accomplished and that too against one of the greatest bowling attacks in the world. You completed over 50 test centuries and are just 2 centuries away from doing that same feat in One dayers with an amazing total of 99 combined. What next, Sachin? A triple? A quadruple century in the tests?

You walked off the ground when you were convinced you were out in spite of others feeling otherwise….you have showed tremendous sportsmanship on and off field, never uttering bad words about others. You have set an example, not only as an amazing player but also as a truly wonderful human being.

Sachin, I am so proud to be an Indian because of you. I am so proud of you, I love you, I revere you, I worship you. You indeed are divine.

You inspire me to rise above this mediocrity to reach new heights….to be a good human being….to be true to yourself….to never let go…to keep on fighting…

Today, I sincerely want to wish you on that amazing world cup win and the brilliant effort that you put throughout the tournament.

As I watch the news channels today, where most of the skeptics are insisting that this as your last world cup and that you are going to retire, all I feel is anger & a sense of betrayal.

Who are they to take decisions for you? It was your choice to enter the world of cricket and it will be yours again when you decide to leave it….I know, you love the game more than anything else in the world and that you would do anything to keep on playing, like, forever…

I want you to pass on a message to all those critics and over-smart people who don’t believe in you —-

“Each one wants something out of life. And what do we do, when we get what we want? We simply wish for something else.

The dream got fulfilled but not the Man. As long as the Man is there, there will be more dreams to come. Maybe not as special as this one but just as important….

It will take years for you guys to catch up with this man…No, not just records-wise but to match those exceptional qualities that he holds as a person too.”

Sachin, all I wanna say is that, even if I get at least one person to believe in my dreams like I do, I would have fulfilled my life. But, I am not you and neither are others. What makes you so special? What makes people respect you? Why are people in your awe? I don’t know. But you are like that twinkling star that lights up all our lives.

Sachin, you are my; you are our GOD.

 

Lots of love, wishes & respect,

One crazy fan/devotee

ILLUSION

 

(Are we for real? Or are we some inexplicable unsolved illusion? Are we existing? Or do we just “think” we exist? Sometimes we have no answers for some questions. When we wake up from a dream, we believe we are back in reality BUT what if we are yet to awake? What if, this life we are living, a long never-ending delusion……)

 

 

I run through your thoughts

I sprint through your mind

You try to hold onto me

And put life on rewind

 

Yet you can’t find me in any of your memories

Yet you can’t seem to locate me when times freeze

 

Do I exist cause you are

Or am I for real?

I bet you are confused, I know

Was my face an illusion?

And my voice imagination?

Only in your dreams did I learn to grow

 

Were you the only one who could see me?

Was I invisible to everyone else?

Just a creation of your imagination..

Someone you made up

Like an imaginary friend

A self-believable strange notion

 

Do I live in your heart, unknown to all

Hidden in that tiny space

Am I the one; that pumps blood into you?

An emotion you can’t replace

 

Where am I, you wonder?

Whats my origin in your life?

Am I a forgettable chapter, you think?

Someone who will disappear when time comes

Like a slowly vanishing link

 

Do every breath you take, fills you up to brim

Reminds you of the fragrances I hold

I cloud your vision so easily

Do your eyes deceive you – when my image they behold?

 

Can you find if I am real when you slowly touch me?

Or even your touch is an abnormal delusion?

Why do your ears still hear my soundless laughter?

My identity, your mind’s confusion!

 

Did the life we lived-

Never did happen at all?

Was it a dream from which you woke?

A web of unsure hallucinations

A relationship that was revoked

 

You still wonder whether its this or some past life

That weaved my memory into yours

A mysterious connection that appeared out of blue

And assimilated in that life of yours

 

Or maybe- I am you, you are me

Maybe we are; one whole

Two souls that thrive in one single body

Same destination to seek but play different role

 

There’s a thin line that separates, this mirage of  inscrutable

From what we believe as real

Or maybe all this is just make-believe world

Neither imperfect nor ideal

 

Is the truth just a fiction

And a lie that we live

Fallacy that binds you and me

Our lives a deception

Our relation non-existant

A raging enigmatic sea

 

Or someday you may find

I am indeed a fact

I always was and will be

Its you who is unreal

Just a memory re-living

A figment created by me…..

DREAM-KILL

(“Dream-kill” is a poem, I am sure, most of you will identify with. It is a way of life. How we destroy our own dreams and desires to live by the worldly rules. When we are young and carefree, we make so many assumptions and build so many dreams. We think we can conquer the world. We live each day to the fullest. We are so naive about the outside world. We think we can easily master it. But then when we actually are thrown in this world and become independent; we start compromising. Our dreams are long forgotten. They seem childish and immature. We start living by rules and strict guidelines. We “kill” those dreams. We lose our identity. We are no longer the class, we become the mass……)

I kill a dream every day

I bury a dream every night

I try to forget the promises I made

I live in the world of black & white

I reminiscence the desires that I once held

Of reaching high up to the skies

And now I sit on the ground with clipped wings

With reflection of the mocking sky in my eyes

I look fondly at the ocean so vast

But left on the shore with a ship of broken mast

A long forgotten yearning to scour the seas

An impossible dream to swing with the breeze

An ancient craving to travel the world

To make a mark along the journey & unfurl

But I fall & stumble and trip & dive

I never reach destinations how much ever I strive

I once held a chain of dreams

A bag of desires & hopeful springs

A twinkle in the eye, a tryst with fate

A beautiful world I used to create

Now each day I struggle to reach day end

Living for a handful of monetary gains

To insignificantly perish some day like others

To be shackled for the rest of the life with chains

I retreat in my shell & build a cocoon around me

I don’t let anyone enter or flee

I lose myself in monotonous things

The little hidden joys I refuse to see

Sometime in the past I had thought a lot

About my multidimensional capacities

How one day I shall conquer the world

How one day famous I am going to be

Now all the time I have is for work

To toil & sweat and money to earn

To abide by my duties & pursue my loyalties

Only certainties now I discern

Where are the risks I took when I was young?

Where is the energy I showed for a quest?

Where are the promises I made to myself?

All those wishes now I have flung

All I ask for now is to wake everyday

And return to a dull existence

A bed to sleep and some food to eat

With absolutely no resistance

My aspirations are ordinary

My preferences no longer count

I have compromised with my destiny

I have no more false hopes to amount

I will vanish from this world some day as I came into it

With no impact or importance of someone great

One less in the sea of common fishes

Holder of an uneventful fate

Now I even struggle to remember my dreams

As I murder at least one when the day ends

Dreams that will never be fulfilled

Dreams that will never know amends

I laugh at myself & think silently

To what I have been reduced to & I be

I lost my identity somewhere along the way

When I needed most, I failed to be me

All I do is what I “have” to do

I no longer desire what I “wanted” to do

I am a puppet in the hands of circumstances

I am just left as an escapee

Like me, I know, you all too live

Only few move forward and learn to give

But many like me perish easily

Many like me fail to forgive

Lose the innocence along the way

Lose the enthusiasm to find a novel way

Live for others & lose the uniqueness

The one which differentiated us from others some day

Mold ourselves to the rules that are set

Never learn to break out & disobey

Tread on paths explored & trodden

Fail to find a different destination faraway

No more I am different

Now I am this

I transformed to fit in this world

No more am I eternal bliss

And so…………

I kill a dream every day

I bury a dream every night

I easily forget the promises I made

I perpetually live in the world of black & white

I USED TO HAVE A BEST FRIEND…

(“I used to have a best friend” shares its similarities with the previous poem “We’ve drifted apart”. However, this one looks from the angle of a friend; friendships are so important in life. We can survive with the loss of a lover but losing a friend is like losing your identity; losing the very meaning of life!

The end of this poem might seem abrupt. But I have deliberately left it so. Because life loses its completeness with the loss of a best friend and this poem best remains incomplete…. )

I used to have a best friend

and he made my life whole

A friend, philosopher, guide

He played my life’s every role

I used to have a best friend

He used to live in my smile

Fill my surroundings with laughter

And make my time worthwhile

I used to have a best friend

He used to make me dance

And make my heart break into a song

With a single loving glance

I used to have a best friend

Who used to stand by me in thick & thin

Never did he let my days

Sink into chaos and din

I used to have a best friend

who also made me cry

But when I fell down & could not get up

He taught me how to fly

I used to have a best friend

Who sometimes got angry with me

Yet when we didnt talk for even a minute

He would beg and come to plea

I used to have a best friend

And though we had many a fight

In the end he just hugged me

And everything seemed so right

I used to have a best friend

And we used to talk every day

We might be anywhere in the world

But by thought, were never away

His calls fueled my happiness

His voice got me through the day

And when I was overwhelmed with work

He made everything okay

And then all changed……….

The calls dwindled & came to a stop

The mornings turned very bleak

The very reason that brightened my day

Went from strong to being weak

Sometimes I would remember some joke

Some funny moment we shared

And memories would come rushing back

As if he still cared

I didn’t know, whom to tease to

Or with whom to share my woes

I guess when best friends break up

They end up worse than foes

Death is not the only thing that separates people

Believe me, its true

What separates people is ignorance

Of a relationship they once knew

When the person who loved you once

Now behaves as if you don’t exist

And when you try to go away

He doesn’t even try to resist

I can cope with the loss of a mentor

I can cope with the loss of  a lover

But losing a best friend is traumatic

No identity left to discover

No other friend can make up

For the void that the best one has left

Even when you surround yourself with people

Forever  does life harbors; a deep-rooted painful cleft

If you have lost a best friend

You may know how it might feel

There’s no meaning to your life

How much ever you try to conceal

I used to have a best friend

I used to have a life

I used to have a best friend

I used to have a life