PA’S PRINCESS

(Each one of us, has a special person in our lives that we hail as a father-figure. He can literally be our Dad, or an older brother or an uncle or a friend or just about anybody who has made us what we are today. A person, who has not only supported us throughout our life, but taught us it’s important lessons, gave us all the time in the world and never complained. Someone, who has loved has unconditionally, truly, with so much affection that it can never be measured. Some relationships go beyond the extent of words in their meaning and so beautifully become our very reason for living.

This poem, is dedicated, to that person in my life, who has made me what I am today….who has loved me as his own daughter, as his own kid, as his own life…..To my darling Mamoo….my Pa….)

I live in a dreamy fairytale

In a distant fantasy land

And feel the purest of pure love

Where all sorrow, is banned

He holds my hand

& guides me forward

And not for a moment

does he let me stray

He corrects my stumbles

& soothes my bruises

And stands by me day by day

Although he never taught me

how to walk

Yet he could hear the sound of my feet

And even from that great distance

He knew, one day, we would meet

He smiles softly at my chattering

And never for once, gets bored

He puts with my silly tantrums

Oh, he has always been the person I adored

Although he never heard my baby gibberish

or even my first word

But in that land far away

My life, he anchored.

He puts that sound in my laughter

He lights my face with a smile

He covers me with a blanket of happiness

And brightens me up in a while

Although he hasn’t always been a part of my joy

or a witness to all my mirth

But even in that physical distance

We got connected at birth

He wipes my tears with an instant ease

He drives my sorrow away

No worry, no tensions can touch me at all

He protects me night & day

Although he can’t shield me from all misfortune

Or see my tearful face

Far away, in his heart, he knows

All sadness in my life, can he erase

So, this person that I truly miss

who always listens to my blah blah

An image of a big hug & sweet sweet kiss

Is my darling Pa

He taught me whats right & wrong

And still teaches me  the lessons of life

How never to lose my self-respect

How to be cheerful & rife

His gifts are not material

They are the stepping stones of success

How to practice self-control

And live life with finesse

His lessons are inspiring

He taught me how a young woman should be

And though sometimes I missed the point

He explained that ‘patience’ is the key

He always made me realize

that helping people is fun

Never to think ill of others

And never from problems, to run

He made me face my fears

And stood strongly by my side

Yet he let me learn my own lessons too

And saw that I surely tried

I listen in wonder to his achievements

I am proud of all that he did

He has always been my hero

And I, that awe-struck kid

You might have such a person in your life

It may be your Dad or some other

A favorite sweet uncle or an older brother

A father figure that makes your life

And fills it with love & care

A man who carries you forward

And drives away all despair

I love you Pa for what you are

I am your number one fan

I always want to be your little kid

You are my superman

And I want to live in your great big arms

Where I know I’ll be safe forever

I’ll be showered by all sweet things in life

And feel lonely, never

Not all people become parents

Just because they have given birth

Pure affection has no boundaries

Some people are more precious than their worth

A solemn circle, this love

Connects people in mysterious ways

And forms lifetime relationships

Sprinkled with never-ending joyous days

So, I thank you for what you are for me

You are my beating heart

And even being on the opposite sides of the world

We could never be apart

I cannot touch but I can feel you

I can hear your comforting voice

I would run up to you and give you a hug

If  only I had the choice

One day, when you’ll be frail & old

I will take care of you as mine

I’ll sit by your bedside & love you so

And tell you all his fine

Then, I’ll be there for you

as you have always been

A friend, philosopher & guide all the way

Though you remained unseen

Hey Pa, stay with me forever

We have lost too many years, so to say

And though we can’t bring them back

Now, you cannot go away

Although you never witnessed my milestones

Or  figured in my childhood

Now you are a part of me

And this is just as good

So, I look at you & proudly say-

I am Pa’s princess & his girl

Who will grow up to be his constant support

And his shining pearl…..

THE LONGING

(The worst gift that you can give to the person you love the most is that of “waiting”. Because an eternity passes away yet you do not know when “the wait” will end. You do not know for how long it will stay. You do not know whether it will let you come back or force you to go away forever. Never to return. Never to look back. Never to rekindle the hopes of the ones waiting for you. The longing of being united..the longing of coming back…the longing for memories shared only in dreams….the longing of relationships that could have been……)

I wait for the time to pass

And come to that particular day

A day I had lived in the past

A day that took you away

Now it will repeat itself

Now it will live again

A day as insignificant as any other

A day that even time could not contain

I set my eyes on memories so old

An emotion so complex that words can’t hold

A separation that tears apart the very existence

A ballad of sentiments that remained untold

A touch of hope and that of despair

A joy unlimited yet bonded by care

A love so strong that it consumed all

Of protected instincts that were laid bare

A voice of sadness that trickles from the lips

A scarlet river like the blood that drips

A pain so profound that it perishes all

Like an unknown destination of many a ships

I still stand by the window

and count the stars

A lost memory

that we proclaimed ours

Left behind are

the broken threads

Left behind

a handful of scars

I am wiping out the proof

of pleasure and pain

The insolent dance

of sunshine and the rain

And withhold all happiness

till I reach that day

Till I gather the smiles

yet again

I thought waiting forever

had made me strong

Had took me beyond

what’s right & wrong

Still, as moments

come to close once & for all

I feel as if

I’ve forgotten the song

Years so many

were easy to pass

But months so few

I can’t outlast

And when the countdown

reaches to days

I will be left picking up

fragments of broken glass

I am here physically

but my mind’s elsewhere

I hear voices but pretend

not to care

It isn’t necessary that I indulge in

common things

Of everyday happenings

I don’t seem aware

I live in a world

fueled by imagination

That seeks out paths

to lost destinations

No language to express

just kingdom of silence

Yet I hold

perfectly sane conversations

I know nothing now

except the very end

A longing of

a distant & dear friend

An affection that surpassed

great understandings

So there’s nothing left now

to comprehend……

HEROES ARE PEOPLE TOO

(Michael Jackson’s death on June 25th, 2009 came as a shock to people all over the world. Never had I thought, that the person whose tunes I grew up on, can die someday, so suddenly, so unexpectedly. I thought him as timeless, as eternal, as interminable….. So did his millions of fans all over the world.

His death, makes us think…..that in reality, death is not partial even to one so famous. All people those we worship in life, be them ordinary ones or even great celebrities, all; all of them are mere mortals. And one day, like us, they will die too.

Yet what will be different about their death is that, they will still continue to live; in our hearts, in our soul, in their talents, their work and in all those people whose lives they have touched.

And this will inspire us that we can be like them too…..

To, Michael Jackson, a person who was our idol, our hero; I dedicate this poem, straight from the heart……….)

We look up to them & are in awe

For they are something different & nice

We love them with all our heart & soul

And follow their all advice

Yet sometimes we are confused

as to what is false & what is really true

How easily do we forget that-

Heroes are people too!

Their successes are our own

Their wins fill us with joy

They are revered as they are

Whether aggressive, sweet or coy

Their downfall is a wound

That never heals in us

Their failures a bad dream

That makes us badly cuss

Its as if our life is attached

To their very existence

No reason justifies our love for them

Be it logic or great distance

Yet sometimes we hate them

Why; we don’t have a clue

How easily do we forget that-

Heroes are people too!

For us, they are an open book

We expect they have nothing to hide

For us, we want them to move ahead

Leaving their personal life aside

When they give us happiness

We lift them up & worship them so

And their mistakes give us sorrow

Its like being struck by a blow

We pry in to what they are

We discuss their all affairs

But we still love their mannerisms

Those high-fi graces and airs

Yet sometimes, they seem so plastic

Like some entity new

How easily do we forget that-

Heroes are people too!

Their illnesses is a cause of concern

They begin residing in our prayer

One so talented should have a long life

Eternal should be the person so rare

And when they die, their death is a shock

Ordinary, what their life seems

For we thought them to be invincible

The rulers of our dreams

But they are mere mortals

Who live like us & die

But between their life & death

Give such a good try

That their ordinary life

Is much more than what ours is

Talents they learn to put to use

Thats what makes them a whiz

And so even when death takes them away

They still live within our heart

They house a particular corner in our mind

And never do they depart

So what they inspire us to do is that

We can be immortal too

They live their life with just a little difference

Otherwise, Heroes are people too!

A KIND OF SELF-LOVE

( Sometimes, I guess, the love that we hold in our heart for ourselves encompasses all boundaries. It is really difficult to truly love someone unless we love ourselves completely. A self-love that teaches us to trust and to hope, of affection and care; teaches us all about joys and sorrows, about life and death and finally guides us to the final journey keeping the soul as our care-taker so that all that we know in end is a calm and tranquil peace! )

Do we need someone to love us so?

And share with us many a woe

Or we ourselves are the best solution?

Or a kind of retribution?

Our ears are our own

& will listen to everything

Echos of happiness

& sorrow they’ll bring

Our eyes will watch,

the life in stages

A beauty of  love,

that continues through ages

Our nose will smell,

the lover’s fragrance

Of  a certain time-

of lost remembrance

Our lips speak of a voice,

of better commitment

And a smile rests on them,

of some accomplishment

Our hands reach out,

to all the pain

Not letting the sacrifices,

to go in vain

Our feet tread,

new destinations

For a moment of solitude,

in long vacations

Our skin keeps feeling,

a mysterious touch

A deep affection,

without any boundaries as such

And lastly, a heart each of us does hold

That is filled with memories so ancient & old

That it continues to beat till the very end

And with the universe does it blend

Finally, we grieve and are left all alone,

To begin a journey of the unknown

What remains with us-

is this immortal soul

That even in incompleteness;

makes the life so whole….

UNREASONABLE

(“Unreasonable” is a poem I believe in bcoz I think sometimes when you finally get something you have been always yearning for; you become totally impractical about it. Love is something that should set you free and not something that keeps you chained. Can it still be true love if it keeps hurting you more than keeping you or the other person happy?

Have you ever loved someone so much that you feel you don’t deserve them and they are better off without you?

Yet I know, my love is true but will I get anything by fleeing away from it?

The only person who can answer this question, I dedicate this poem to him……)

Never love someone so much, that you become;

dependent on them…

Never love someone so much, that you are;

a burden for them…

Why don’t you leave me & let me be

and go out from my life

How does it hurt, the way I behave;

like a sharp & pointed knife

I can’t let you go;

can’t let you stay

I cannot follow you;

or make my own way

I am so confused,

Is this what I want?

A kind of insecurity-

my heart does flaunt

I make you do unreasonable things

and those which don’t have a point

I want to make you happy

Yet all I do is disappoint

I trouble you and irritate a lot

I hurt you so much, I swear

All of my childish behavior

Just how do you manage to bear?

Don’t you feel like killing me

and throwing me out forever?

Don’t you feel like hating me

and seeing my face never?

I am pushing you far away

but holding your hand tight

The immense love I have for you

I don’t know whether it’s right?

Is it bad to love you so much?

Is it bad to hold you close?

When I become so possessive about you-

why don’t you just oppose?

All these years I kept everyone away from me

and only allowed “you” near

Of being friends with someone

I always wanted to stay clear

However, you came & taught me to share

To open up like a flower

You taught me to how to trust

and have faith in every hour

And I fell for it and formed a relationship

of many a different name

Kept being selfish

and loving you all the same

Just too much of a good thing

can be bad too; how bad did I get?

Yet you were understanding;

How can I repay your debt?

Why does love makes us impractical?

Why does life becomes a dream?

That which will never be fulfilled

And goes beyond extreme

My unrealistic expectations

might take a toll on you some day

My illogical concerns

might just drive you away

I wish this would have never happened

and we were all alone

Content with keeping people out

and being in the world for our own

Now all you are left with is

my unreasonable affection

And a heart that is chaining you to it

‘coz it is so scared of rejection

Never love someone so much, that you become;

dependent on them…

Never love someone so much, that you are;

a burden for them…

A BEAUTIFUL DEATH

(The other day, a pretty butterfly fluttered through the window and landed on my bed. It beat its wings and tried to fly back but I noticed it was wounded. It struggled to live and soar up high but alas, I knew it was going to die. Its agony was impossible to bear and I felt sad that I could do nothing about it. Finally, I knew what to do. I gently picked it up and placed it among the flowers in my garden. I did so, because I thought, anyways it is going to die, then why not let it die among the things it loves. And, what could be more important for a butterfly than flowers?

I think all of us secretly wish that kind of death. To be able to die in the arms of the one we love…..peacefully…. )

What will be the most wanted death?

Wrapped in love and a beautiful wreath

Will you want a silent one to be;

An end to your eternity?

No pain or hurt, just calm and quiet

A death so serene may seem very right

Yet is it the death that we deserve?

All the innocence in us can it preserve?

Until the last when time comes for us to leave

We learn only how to grieve

With years of running away from the ultimate truth

And blatant grasping of the youth

We can’t let go of simple things

Constant thinking, only sorrow brings

We live knowing that one day we die

Still we sorrowfully mourn and cry

Even people who wait for their death

Are indeed scared till their last breath

Wishing to put an end to life

Is just an unwanted strife

We regret about the life we never had

And keep hoping for it so bad

Those little things we fail to see

That give a reason for us to be

We feel remorse for a life less spent

Don’t acknowledge the angel that God has sent

The one, whose love is pure as pure can be

But sometimes from it we try to flee

Our agony so great, we desire to part

And intend to kill our beating heart

But we harbor a fantasy and make a plan

How to say goodbye to the clan

How to become obsolete

And happily accept the final defeat

Do you know what kind of death we want?

The one in our dreams that does haunt

We yearn to die in the arms of the one we love

And close our eyes seeing this one above

Hold hands as if they will never go

A stream of tears from us does flow

But we know now begins a journey new

One that we have heard about but don’t have a clue

A journey that each man must take alone

To a single destination yet unknown

All I have to say is this

This is what we truly miss

A desire of the most beautiful death

Wrapped in love and a flowery wreath

We sink into oblivion with that embrace

Fill the eyes with that one single face

And thus we die with our lips curved into a smile

Defying the death that had been written erstwhile….

LOVE THAT FAILED…

(Its ironical that I am writing this poem, after a positive feeling like “never-ending love” but I guess, that’s what life is all about. It is a great big irony. Sometimes, the love that grows inside you and the one you think is so deep, at one point of time is as shallow as shallow can be….)

Have I condemned you to live

when all you want is death?

Have I forced you to suffer

for my own pleasure?

Have I chained you

to a life you don’t want?

Have I wounded you

beyond measure?

Have I made you emotional

and weak in heart?

Have I made you

so vulnerable?

Have I messed your plans

and compelled you to be happy?

And made you so unstable?

I wanted my love

to guide you back

And keep all feelings

in you, intact

But I could not beat

the demons you brought from your past

Living each day

hoping it to be your last

My love is tainted

‘coz it gave you false hope

A happiness so vast

that you failed to cope

You still ache

with those memories so old

So many secrets

between us, untold

Even with years of closeness

I could not be

Someone who will wipe

all your pain

Your hurt’s so deep

Your sorrow so endless

That all my efforts

have gone in vain

I could not give you

a reason to laugh

or a reason for you to smile

I could not give you

a reason to be important

As you have become

for me, in a while

Neither could I give you

a reason to forget

nor a reason for you, to leave

A reason to look forward

to the future

Or a reason, to believe

And now my love

is a burden for you

It won’t let you live

It won’t let you die

From outside,

its as perfect as can be

Yet in true form

All it does, is make you cry…..

NEVER-ENDING LOVE

( Sometimes, we share a relationship that can never be explained. The emotions associated with it are unparallel and the attachment, unbreakable. So beautiful and significant is this relationship that it does not exist because of life; rather, the life exists because of this relationship…. For the most special person in my life, a poem that will remain unforgotten…)

Do we know each other from our last birth?

Have we ever lived long ago on this Earth?

Why is so familiar, your every thing?

I know you from before, a bell does ring.

I have heard your voice;

I could recognize it anywhere

Your face has haunted my dreams

I know you well, I swear

The sound of your laughter has filled my ears

Its as if I know you from years and years

In grief & sorrow, your shoulder I seek

To derive support & lean on when my strength is weak

To see you suffering, is my worst fear

And your every achievement for me, is dear

In your eyes, pure truthfulness, do I see

At this moment we are meant to be

Forever & ever, all emotions will last

From ages & aeons, this relationship’s been cast

Time will pass & centuries unfold

Our story will linger, surpassing the heat & cold

Names might be forgotten, but presence will live

Of this attachment, a proof it will give

Through re-births & re-incarnations & blessings from above;

A tale will be told of our “never-ending love”……

I’VE CHANGED FOR YOU

The more I try to run from you,

The more I end up near.

I try to get back to what I was,

But experience a deep rooted fear.

I am hating you at this moment.

It seems that I don’t have a choice.

I wish I could tell you, this isn’t me.

But I guess, I have lost my voice.

Do you also hate me, I don’t know.

I wish I could just cry.

I am pushing you far away from me.

Without ever giving it a try.

I am telling, that I am angry with you.

But you know the truth, I know.

You can see how much I love you;

Even if I fail to show.

If I behave with you as before;

Would you still find some fault?

I wish this is a nightmare.

That soon comes to a halt.

I want to smile & laugh with you.

I want to be your little kid.

To tell you the serious things that troubled me;

And all the funny ones I did.

So many days have passed & I am tired;

Of keeping you out of my life.

Hiding all my happiness from you;

And masking all my strife.

I am fed up of pretending like this.

Will you accept me as I was?

Can we continue from where we stopped?

It has been a long pause.

Hey, you didn’t like the way I am.

Hence, I tried to change.

Still you are unhappy about it!

That seems so very strange.

Your words always said;

That I mean a lot to you.

But it didn’t show in action.

Were you being untrue?

I didn’t know our relationship;

Will reach such a weird stage-

That I have to act not in the way I want.

But according to my age!

So, I became a new person.

Now, what do you really miss?

If growing up means,

to get detached from you.

Then why aren’t you content with this?

I thought we were friends forever.

And were always meant to be so.

But you stopped being the person.

I once knew long ago.

OK. Next time you tell me what to do.

Shall we sign a pact?

Don’t criticize me so often.

My love won’t remain intact.

Stop it. I have had enough of this.

It hurts & I am in pain.

Am I good enough for you now?

Or have I tried & tried in vain?

I promise I won’t be childish.

Tell me what rules to obey.

I will try to follow your guidelines.

And listen to what you say.

All this is not a mood swing.

Or some excuse new.

I am just trying to improve myself;

So I could be loved by you!!!

A MAN CALLED FATHER

Call him FATHER or DAD or DADDY or PA or POPS or your OLD MAN… But never call him a DEVIL!!!

Recently, I read a Marathi essay on the topic “Father”… It brought tears to my eyes. I had never read something so beautiful yet so obvious before. The essay is what inspired this post.

We have always heard of “mother” being the most influential character in a person’s life but rarely do we attach an emotional importance with a father.

How often do we forget that our father is just as important in our life as our mother?

We come across countless quotes, poems, articles, odes, tributes, written for a mother. But when it comes to writing something for a father, the words always fall a little short.

While we do celebrate “Father’s day” with a lot of enthusiasm, we always envision a father being  a persona of support and strength. We never envision him as a deity of love as we do for a mother.

For us, our father is a machine. He is one who pays for our pocket-money, our schooling, for our clothes, trips, entertainment and anything else we have taken fancy of.  He is the one who never falls ill, instead pays for our medicines and hospital bills if something happens to us.

He provides for us, works himself to death so that we live a comfortable life; yet we think he does not have the right to get angry when we come home late at night.

When we are kids, most of us (if not all), have great respect for our fathers. As we grow older and the moment we step into our teenage years, our father suddenly changes into a monster who does not have any right to pry into our private life.

Either that, or we make fun of him. We get embarrassed to call him our Dad in front of our friends. In our teenage years, for us, he suddenly becomes an old man, a cartoon; instead of the superman we imagined him to be when we were kids.

We hardly ever understand what kind of a man he his. Beside being our Dad, we associate no personality with him. We forget even he has a personal life. Even he was a kid at some point of his life, even he was a teenager, even he was wild and un-ruly.

We begin seeing a father as a cruel, Hitler-type individual who curbs our freedom and burdens us with tons of rules, if we do something which he does not like.

What we fail to see is, the hurt in his eyes to see us going over the wrong way. What we fail to understand is, he considers our wrong-doings as his own personal failures. He may act strict. But deep down, his heart contains a love that is so vast, that it becomes inexpressible.

And we still fail to see him as a human-being, because the tears that he sheds are enclosed in his heart, the sorrow that he experiences is never allowed to reach towards you, the hurt that troubles him, he keeps it to himself.

A mother can cry her heart out and you know how much she loves you. But, a father has too keep his disappointments bottled up because he knows, he represents the strength of a house. And you……you just never know, of what stuff, this man is made up of……

How many of us, remember the father’s day or our father’s birthday or any other important day of his life???

How many of us bring him gifts because we really “feel” for him and not because its a tradition???

How many of us even try to do something for him just for the sake of it and not because we have to ask some favor from him???

We easily understand the importance of a mother. For us, she is an epitome of pure love, immense care and the most understanding person in our life. We think, that the presence of a father in our life is indispensable; so we take him for granted.

But, in reality, we hardly ever understand his importance unless he goes away from us.

A person who has lost his/her father, really knows, what value this man had in our lives.

Simply because, it has always been the basic human tendency of appreciating the rare and ignoring the obvious.

A father is such an obvious element in our lives, that his sacrifices, his grief, his troubles, usually go unnoticed.

Most of times, we think, that what our father does for us, is his job, his duty, so there isn’t anything great about it. But, if  someone puts us in our father’s shoes and let us handle a wild and unruly kid like us, we will know, with what tremendous patience and grace, this man handled us. And he never asked for anything in return.

He will never ask for respect, or love, or care, or obedience. His feelings for us will be unconditional.

He will just ask for a little trust, a little trust in what he is doing for us; so that one day we ourselves turn into good responsible parents.

And he will be proud of us anyways. Each of us won’t become a big scientist, or a great artist, or an excellent singer. But, how much ever, ordinary we are, we will always be extra-ordinary in his life.

Even the smallest of our achievements is like a dream come true for him. An ‘B+’ grade, a 2 minute part in the school play, the first time you tried your hand at cooking by baking a burnt cake, the consolation prize in the local singing contest;……..for a father, this is what his life is made of….. memories of his kid’s happiness.

A father is an epitome of patience.

He patiently waits for the day, when his kids will acknowledge his presence in their lives.

Yet he expects nothing.

He is as unconditional as ever, even if we love him back or not!

“A father is always making his baby into a little woman. And when she is a woman, he turns her back again.”  -Enid Bagnold

For a girl, her father is usually her hero. He is someone she can look up to. She loves to be a “Daddy’s little girl” forever. She envisions him as her protector, someone who will shield her from all misfortunes and hardships. She knows the special bond that they share. She sees her father’s un-shed tears and hidden sorrows.

She looks up to her father and longs to find a life-partner who will be similar to her Dad, so that she knows, her kids get a good father.

For a father, his daughter is not only his precious little baby but also the pride of his life. She is someone, whom he knows, will never distance him from her life. She is someone who will trust him blindly. He appreciates the love she has for him, because he knows she can be his daughter as well as his son, when he wants so.

Her unquestionable faith in him gives him the strength to be a good father that he is.

Let us appreciate our father for what he has been to us.

For how much ever he opposes us or disapproves of our doings, he does so only because he truly loves us. Only because, he never wants us to go wrong but learn our lessons with dignity and be a responsible citizen of this world.

“A truly rich man is the one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.”